What If It's Supposed To Be Like That?
Trusting the moment, being one with the ocean, and surfing with what emerges.
March 2, 2025 | Zurich, Switzerland
Probably just like you, I have encountered deeply challenging moments in my life. Rationally looking at them, some were shaped by my personality, others by my choices and the transformative times I’ve lived through. Some were rooted in my family history, and many simply unfolded without any clear reasoning.
Conventional wisdom tells us that when we reflect on our past struggles, we recognize that these crucibles and unique life experiences shape our distinctive essence and capacity to contribute. They shape who we are today.
And yet, when we face difficulties in the present, we often meet them with anger, arguments, blame, fear, disappointment, victimhood, and sadness. Many of us dwell on the past and the present and argue with them, wishing events had unfolded differently, longing for a version of reality that never was and never is.
Did you notice? There is a contradiction here.
If our unique lives and the hardships we’ve been through have shaped us, wouldn’t it be logical to appreciate the unique composition of opportunities and difficulties life presents?
While this idea is often spoken about, it is frequently framed through forced positivity—a positivity that requires us to forget how we feel and what we think about it and put forced smiles on our faces.
That’s not what I mean… Here is what I suggest you consider instead.
Step One: Emotions Are Precious Messengers
Anger, sadness, loneliness, fear, disgust, resentment, disappointment—these emotions are not burdens to avoid and suppress, nor are they signs of weakness.
Emotions are messengers calling us to listen to them, get to know them, and understand them. So, first and most important, do not kill the messenger.
Yes, as a society, we have made emotions unwelcome guests—something to be hidden behind empty exchanges of greetings, forced social media smiles, and a forced-positive presence in our work and social engagements.
When it comes to many aspects of our lives, we numb ourselves to survive what we believe is difficult to survive, and instead, we tap into something much worse—living our lives numb and devoid of life.
What we need is different.
These emotions need to be heard, and they need room to breathe, to unfold, to be honored. They are pathways opening portals to deeper self-awareness, invitations to growth, and opportunities for transformation.
When we deny them, we deny ourselves. When we repress them, we cut ourselves off from a wellspring of wisdom.
That does not mean that we should invite emotions to control us. It means that they are also not meant to be locked away. They are meant to be acknowledged, expressed, and alchemized into deeper awareness and wisdom.
Unacknowledged emotions do not simply vanish; they take root and burrow deep into the body, manifesting as illness, tension, or patterns of self-sabotage. The longer we try to keep them away, the stronger they become.
At the same time, when we allow emotions to be seen, when we hold space for them with gentleness rather than judgment, something shifts. They move, they transform, they release. And even if they do not dissolve completely, they lose their grip, softening their hold over our lives.
To feel is a gift, a sign that we are alive, connected, and capable of depth. Our ability to feel emotions is at the core of our Human Advantage©. When we embrace them, we embrace the fullness of the human experience.
Step Two: I’m Supposed To…
If who we are is largely shaped by our experiences, in addition to staying tuned into everything we feel, honoring it, and giving it space, can we also meet each challenge with the mindset: "I am supposed to experience exactly this and exactly now… I am supposed to feel that…"
For example:
I was supposed to lose a loved one… so that I …
I was supposed to experience financial hardship… in order to…
I am supposed to face this exact challenge in my relationship… to…
I am supposed to be alive in this unfolding moment of history… so that I can…
This list could continue endlessly—I am sure you can add to it. I sure can.
But here’s the key—you do NOT need to know how these sentences finish to accept their beginning. You do not need to understand in advance what you are gaining from each experience or hardship. As Søren Kierkegaard famously said, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”
In time, clarity will come if we are open to it. Perhaps we will have learned something profound. Or perhaps we will evolve in ways beyond our current comprehension.
The key is to fully trust the moment without knowing what the fruits of it will be—trusting that there is value in being alive exactly here and exactly now, going through the unique experiences life brings to us.
Just like a surfer riding a rough ocean...
At that moment, he is not contemplating why this rough ocean and why it is happening to him exactly. He is not analyzing everything he did in the past for this to happen to him. If he starts doing that, his life will probably be in danger. And yet, this is what most of us do.
Instead, he is finding the best angle and posture to lean into what’s coming, feeling fully alive and one with the ocean—because his whole life has prepared him to be here and now in these rough waves.
The surfer is probably even grateful that the ocean has turned wilder today, because if it had not, he would not have had the opportunity to find out that he can handle far more than he ever imagined.
I’m inviting you to live like a surfer who is not negotiating with the ocean to be less rough.
He is not judging the ocean for being rough exactly when he is there.
He is engaging with his whole being, trusting that he has lived all his life to meet exactly this moment and exactly now.
I have practiced this, and it works beautifully.
Try it.
It’s about allowing yourself to fully lean in and trust:
I am supposed to be feeling …
I am supposed to be experiencing this…
I am supposed to be alive exactly now…
Importantly, this is not about finding a “silver lining,” which often remains a superficial excuse. Instead, I see it as a a profound release and a radiant burst of energy.
In such moments, guilt, shame, stress, expectations, and regret simply dissolve. The body softens, opening to the present moment with pure curiosity—eager to be fully alive and witness what unfolds next. We become one with the ocean trusting that new potentialities are opening, new lessons are waiting, and we are somehow contributing by being alive in this very moment.
It feels utterly magical.
I return to this practice of “it’s supposed to be exactly like this” whenever I remember. And yes, I often forget. When I do, my body tightens, my breathing becomes shallow, and my perspective narrows. At that moment, I am not one with “the ocean” because I am too busy fearing it, judging it, blaming it.
And yet, the more I return to it, the more my body feels at home with this lighter and brighter way of being—and naturally seeks it again.
Are you ready to embrace this shift? Let me know how it resonates with you.
And what unfolds when you experiment with it?
This article should be reflected upon in my eyes. we as folks have to just to let go of the control issues we have as humans. We do not control much. We can only realize the past not what is called the future which coming at us unannounced. Basically stop living backwards and realize and accept we live in the forward position only. I say lets relax everyone. Great column if we devour it.
Such insight here. If you are going through hard times, or wincing at tough times past or present, personal or worldly, I invite you to soak into Blagoeva’s wisdom here. I especially appreciate the freshness of her, “It was supposed to happen this way…”
Of course, from a nondual perspective: the reason we come up with is a partial story. The ultimate truth is beyond cause and effect, and is infinite. Yet, it may be a help and a healer in lived daily reality to see pointers of richness in the Great Unfolding. The truth is, we may never really know “why,” yet the ego relaxes when it has a bedtime story.
As Natalia wisely states, “[here's] the key—you do NOT need to know how these sentences finish to accept their beginning.”
Brava!